Well, it's not the month again. I go to the doctor on November 23rd to discuss next steps. This has been a tough one this month. Every month is disappointing, but for some reason this month was really emotional for me. We are needing our prayer warriors in a major way! I feel like the root of the pain is fear, which I know is sin! It's painful every month to find out I'm not pregnant again...over 24 months now of disappointment...but I think the hardest part is when I let fear creep in to my heart. The fear of the "what ifs?" What if I never am able to have kids, what if it's 5 years from now...which right now seems like if it takes that long, I'll be in a psych ward somewhere! So, if you need something specific to pray for, you can pray that we will not let fear take hold of our hearts. Pray that when we wonder "what if," we will remember that God knows and even if I never conceive, we will still praise Him.
I'm constantly reminded of His grace and love for me. I am constantly thankful for my greatest earthly blessing in Michael, who has been amazing through all of this. I am praying that I will use this time to draw closer to Him. I pray that I can be used someday to help women who go through the same thing. Oh, Lord, forgive me for fearing and not trusting. Help me see beyond the here and now.
I was able to go to Denton this weekend for a wedding of a girl I grew up with. It was so fun to spend time with good friends. I stayed with my best friend in the whole world and we stayed up way too late both nights talking and talking. It was refreshing! God is good!
4 comments:
praying for you and the two of you and for your desires to have a baby! praying that fear is stopped in it's tracks!
I pray that the Lord may BLESS, PROTECT, and GUIDE y'all!
ok, you need makenna's verse...for god did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-discipline. 2 tim 1:7
i'm so proud of you, mel. so proud. i think about you, your struggles, your faith, and your sweet heart alllll the time. you have been embedded into my heart to pray for and to laugh and cry with, and i love the fact that the holy spirit puts such a need to pray for you inside of me. i am praying that fear will not take root in your heart and mind. keep replacing it with promises from the lord...then there will be no room for anything else. also, beth d says that a fertility specialist has tons of things and ideas left to do before ivf or anything like that. so ask to be referred to one...a good one...and go from there. you are not crazy, and it is so normal to feel all the things you are feeling...and to long for a child. god put those desires into your heart for reasons. his reasons. his plan. his promises. his fulfillment. his time. love you so much!
Mel, I know I haven't talked to you in a while, but I've read your blog and have been praying for you and Michael for some time now. My heart breaks for you but I have to believe at the end of all of this your faith will see you through and that little baby you so desperately long for is coming. You amaze me and your heart is so beautiful. Hold on to God's love. I'll continue to pray for you. Take care :)
Mel, I don't know if you remember me from 9:30 but I have been going thru the same things with infertility for the last 2 years and your blog has been very encouraging to me. Praying for you. -Sandra (Torres)Denney
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