To give you an update on the journey we are on...I had the plan from my doctor and was so excited that we had a "plan." I was to do an ovulation predictor kit for 2 months and then if I wasn't pregnant in 2 months, I would have to get an HSG test done. Month #1 I couldn't do the kit because I never had a cycle! This obviously means I did not ever ovulate. Month #2 I have 2 sticks left of a 20 day ovulation predictor and have not detected an LH surge yet...this means, I have not ovulated and it has been 18 days. I will probably have the HSG test done soon.
The desire to be a mom presses on me. It weighs me down at times and often brings tears to my eyes. It stirs up weird emotions and brings out sin that has to be repented of constantly. A new set of doubts and fears arise with every passing month. If I'm totally honest, it has brought out jealousy in my heart and envy. I have asked the Lord "Why" and I've even proclaimed, "It's not fair." I am embarrassed of my thoughts and have really been praying God's Word... "we demolish strongholds and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Lord, help me take captive these thoughts that are not of You.
I was recently reading a post that I came upon because of a friend from Phi Lamb in college. Mandy's brother and sister-in-law lost their precious baby girl when she was only 3 months old. Jennifer (mandy's sister-in-law) blogs and just recently did an update on the past 7 months and the healing the Lord has done in their hearts. The Lord used her words to give me a new perspective.
The first thing she said that God has taught her is that her husband is her greatest earthly gift! Wow! The night I read her blog, I left a note on Michael's pillow (b/c I went to bed early!) that said "You, Michael, are the greatest earthly gift that I will ever have!" I need to tell him that more often. I love that! The Lord has blessed me so much with a husband on this earth. A relationship that is the greatest earthly blessing!
I got in bed and opened my Bible to Ephesians 1. Ok, Lord I'm hearing You! Ephesians 1 is about our spiritual blessing! We have been given every spiritual blessing in Christ! Oh, Jesus, thank You for the cross. Thank You that through You and in You I have very spiritual blessing.
So, I am joyful and hopeful. I am fully blessed right now, this day!! Praise You Lord!