Thanksgiving and Appointment

I am sitting here typing this post from my parent's house in Ennis, Tx. Yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving with my mom and dad, my sister, my brother, his wife, and their two beautiful kids. My sister came in from North Carolina and my brother and his family were in from Ft. Hood. I am so thankful that we were all together as a family. Since my brother was deployed over Thanksgiving last year, it has been like 2 years since we were all together. I am not only thankful that we were able to spend Thanksgiving together as a family, I am also thankful that after all my family has endured, we are physically and emotionally able to be together during the holidays. This Thanksgiving, there was no drama, which I prayed hard for! It sounds silly, but it is a huge God-thing that we had a peaceful day together. I am so thankful. I am so thankful that God is restoring relationships in my family. I am so thankful that He continues to work in my dad's life as he recovers from years of alcoholism. I am so thankful.

Wednesday is a big day for Michael and I. We will go to Reproductive Medicine Associates in San Antonio to meet Dr. Hudson for the first time. She is a reproductive endocrinologist...AKA a fertility specialist. We will have our first appointment with her because my Ob/gyn did not want to keep me on Clomid any longer. She said that she wasn't sure why I still wasn't pregnant since I did so well on the Clomid, so she wanted to send me to a specialist. I am thankful for her pro-active way of handling my situation. We will meet with Dr. Hudson and her team on Wednesday at 1:30. We are praying for wisdom and guidance as we make decisions that will affect our future family. We are full of hope and are excited to take this next step. There are definitely days that I throw my "it's not fair" and "why us?" tantrums, but the God of peace and hope just reassures me in my soul that He is in control and He is faithful, good and unchanging. He is true to His promises and He has put a desire in my heart to be a mom...He will come through. I am reading a book right now written by 2 women who struggled with infertility for years and they made the statement that "in the battle of infertility, you will win." They talk about how if you want to be parents, it will happen....it may not be the way you always thought it would happen, but you can have a family. I felt the Lord reassuring my heart as I read that. He is big enough to perform this miracle. He is big enough and His plans are perfect. Oh, Lord, help me see beyond they way I've always wanted things to be.
Once again, thank you so much for praying!

Fear

Well, it's not the month again. I go to the doctor on November 23rd to discuss next steps. This has been a tough one this month. Every month is disappointing, but for some reason this month was really emotional for me. We are needing our prayer warriors in a major way! I feel like the root of the pain is fear, which I know is sin! It's painful every month to find out I'm not pregnant again...over 24 months now of disappointment...but I think the hardest part is when I let fear creep in to my heart. The fear of the "what ifs?" What if I never am able to have kids, what if it's 5 years from now...which right now seems like if it takes that long, I'll be in a psych ward somewhere! So, if you need something specific to pray for, you can pray that we will not let fear take hold of our hearts. Pray that when we wonder "what if," we will remember that God knows and even if I never conceive, we will still praise Him.

I'm constantly reminded of His grace and love for me. I am constantly thankful for my greatest earthly blessing in Michael, who has been amazing through all of this. I am praying that I will use this time to draw closer to Him. I pray that I can be used someday to help women who go through the same thing. Oh, Lord, forgive me for fearing and not trusting. Help me see beyond the here and now.

I was able to go to Denton this weekend for a wedding of a girl I grew up with. It was so fun to spend time with good friends. I stayed with my best friend in the whole world and we stayed up way too late both nights talking and talking. It was refreshing! God is good!

Good Results

Dr.'s office called Thursday to give me my blood test results. I ovulated again this month. I have now on all 3 rounds of Clomid. My progesterone is 51, which is the highest it's been so far. This is good news once again! Pray that this is the month!

The nurse said that if I don't have a positive pregnancy test this month, my doctor does not want to keep me on Clomid. She wants to refer me to a fertility specialist. This brings about a whole new set of decisions. Pray for wisdom for Michael and I as we decide what our next steps should be. We cannot thank you all enough for your prayers! We are humbled and so grateful!

Please let me know how we can be praying for you! :)

Pictures

Here are so pics from Halloween (teenage skaters!), hanging out with the Barfields, and the Spurs game. Fun times! Check out Michael's "skinny jeans!"

Haha!

Fall Fun!

I love fall! I love the cooler weather and I love that it gets lighter earlier! I love that there are Christmas decorations in stores already and that Thanksgiving is not too far away! We have had a lot of fun already this fall!

A couple of weeks ago, we had to say good-bye to Michael's sister and her sweet family. They moved back to Houston after living in S.A. for the past year! What an amazing year we have had with them. We had so much fun this past year watching Warren's football and basketball games, playing apples-to-apples, having Warren and Grace spend the night, Thursday night get-togethers and many weekend hangouts...we have loved having them here! Julie is not just my sister-in-law, but has become one of my dearest friends. We can't wait to visit you Barfields! We love you and miss you like crazy!

Michael and I had a chance to get away last weekend for the first time in a long time. This was Michael's first Sunday to miss in like 2 years! We went to Austin and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast for the first time. Saturday night we stayed in a hotel in Austin and went to the Austin Stone on Sunday morning. It was so relaxing and refreshing. We had such a great time with each other. It was so nice just to be away and rest with all that's been going on lately.

We had a costume party last week for the youth at our church and for the young adults! Michael and I decided to dress up as "skater teenagers!" The kids really thought it was funny! Who knew I would get old enough to dress as a teenager for Halloween! (I definitely could've passed for a 14 year old!...can normally anyway!) We had a blast at both parties and are reminded constantly of how much we adore the people in our church family!

The Lord has really been working on my heart lately. I feel like He has been pulling out so many ugly things that I have had in my heart. He is bringing them to light and I don't like staring them in the face, but I'm so thankful that He loves me so much to not leave me the way I am. I so desire to be consumed by Him instead of all the other things that I allow to consume me. I'm still working on my prayer life...praying with believing...even in miracles!!! He is who He says He is, He can do what He says He can do, I am who He says I am, His word is alive and active, and I can do all things through Him....believing Him!

Trying to post pics....it's not working...I'll have to do this later! Pics coming soon!